the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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