No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
