well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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