I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
