Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize