Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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