Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
