it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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