I look better un-naked...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
