Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you traded sex for a burrito?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
