Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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