Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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