so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think my moral compass just broke
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
