You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
