just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
