bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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