I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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