We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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