i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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