just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
