she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
