when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
