so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
