girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
