Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize