okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
