I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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