spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
