Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize