She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
