i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
