do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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