Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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