Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
