Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
