I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I checked into jail on foursquare
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
