forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
