guys are only as good as the porn they watch
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
