We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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