The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
