I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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