Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize