it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
