Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
