I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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