our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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