I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
