your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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