Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
