How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we have pet lesbian snakes
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
