Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize