That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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