Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
