Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
