I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize