Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
