I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
