you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize