Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can you bring me the toilet please
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
