Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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