The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did i walk over a car last night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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