Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
