i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize
