We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
