in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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