I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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