dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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